I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Randomize
