I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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