if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
