he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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