and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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