She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize