Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
