Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
