At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
