is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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