lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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