I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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