Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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