thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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