do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize