Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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