I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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