I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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