I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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