i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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