her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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