Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We need a shit load of segways right now
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
