fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
