So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
