I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
