i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
