So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize