If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
