My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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