You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
