The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
