Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
