The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
