i just wanna soil my oats bro
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize