dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
