return my video game
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
