God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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