i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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