Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
