I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
