suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
