we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
