I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
