Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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