got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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