When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sober January is a disaster.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
