Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
