I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
