Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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