I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize