So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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