I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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