totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
