I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
