so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
