the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
