We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Randomize
