dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
