if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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