you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
