As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am puke
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
