dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
