I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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