everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
