Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
