I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
