dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
