I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
