I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
