i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize