Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
